AuDHD Women and Neurodivergent Body Based Regulation

AuDHD Clinical Psychologist & NDN Founder Amelia Read - Finally Takes Her Own Advice!

Lightbulb Moment: Apparently My Body Needs Regulating Too

So… I recently bought a smart ring, and it has given me one of those slightly embarrassing lightbulb moments where you realise you have been teaching something professionally for years without fully applying it to yourself.

One of the things my ring tracks is physiological stress.

And apparently, my body is stressed.

A lot.

Not necessarily “I feel stressed” stressed. I can be sitting at my desk, driving home, watching TV, or generally believing I am perfectly fine while my ring is essentially saying:

“Ummmm, excuse me… apparently your body thinks we're under attack.”

Of course, a smart ring isn't a diagnostic tool, and its “stress” data isn't the same thing as a clinical measure of psychological stress. But for me, seeing the physiological pattern in black and white was enough to make me curious about what my body might be telling me.

Hour after hour, day after day, the same pattern kept appearing—even when I wasn't consciously feeling stressed or doing anything particularly stressful.

And suddenly, something clicked.

Maybe simply existing is physiologically expensive for AuDHD women?

I've spent a long time trying to understand my fatigue.

What am I doing wrong? Am I working too much? Sleeping badly? Not exercising enough? Doing too much? Doing too little?

The answer to those questions is most likely still yes…

But seeing those graphs made me consider something much simpler:

Maybe my body is using an enormous amount of energy simply existing in—and navigating—the world around me.

For neurodivergent people and in particular AuDHD women - the world can ask a lot of our nervous systems: sensory input, transitions, social processing, masking, executive functioning, interruptions, emotional regulation, unpredictability, cognitive load—the list goes on.

You don't necessarily have to feel psychologically stressed for your body to be working hard.

That distinction was huge for me.

Because I realised I'd been treating body-based regulation as something I should probably do when I was particularly stressed, overwhelmed or burnt out.

Instead, I need to think about it the way I think about eating, drinking water or having a shower.

It's basic maintenance.

Not because something has gone wrong.

Because I have a body and apparently it requires servicing.

Rude, but noted.

But regulation has to be sustainable

The other important part of this realisation is that regulation strategies are completely useless if they're things you hate doing.

I am not going to suddenly become someone who meditates peacefully for 45 minutes at sunrise.

Not that there's anything wrong with that—but regulation needs to fit the actual human: their sensory profile, interests, motivation, body and real life.

For me, I've started thinking about this concept as my 4 M's—my 4 Must-Do's. Or, when I'm feeling particularly PDA-ish, my 4 Maintenance Strategies.

Not necessarily all four every day. Maybe it's one of them once a day, once a week, or simply as frequently as I can realistically build them into my life.

The point is that I've stopped thinking of them as optional extras and started treating them as part of the maintenance my body needs.

A quick but important disclaimer: these are my four strategies. This isn't medical advice or a prescription for how anyone else should regulate their body. They're simply strategies I've found helpful for me, with a little science added to help explain why they might be working. Bodies, nervous systems, sensory profiles and health needs vary enormously, so please speak with your healthcare professional about what's safe and appropriate for you.

My 4 M's are: Music, Massage, Movement and Mother Nature.

1. Music

And I'm not referring to background music.

I'm talking feel-it-in-your-soul music.

For me, that's Florence + The Machine.

Sometimes regulation can be literally ten minutes driving home from work, music far too loud, singing Shake It Out and attempting to quite literally shake it out.

There is some interesting research behind this too. Music doesn't just change how we feel—research suggests it may also influence aspects of physiological arousal and the stress response.

So, blasting a song in the car and giving Florence a completely unsolicited backing vocal isn't necessarily just a mood booster.

My body may actually be participating in the process.

2. Massage

Or more broadly: safe, regulating touch, pressure, stretching or body manipulation.

This one is obviously highly individual. For someone who is touch-averse, a massage could achieve precisely the opposite of regulation.

But I'm a tactile sensory seeker and respond extremely well to deep pressure and massage.

Research suggests massage and safe touch may influence physiological markers associated with stress and relaxation.

For me, the subjective effect is pretty unmistakable:

After a massage, my body feels like home again.

Which has made me completely rethink how and when I schedule my massages.

It's not an indulgence I book only as a once-a-year spa treatment.

It's one of the ways I help my body regulate.

And therefore, ironically, when I'm busiest may be exactly when I need it most.

3. Movement

I have finally accepted that I do not enjoy movement for movement's sake.

Go to a gym and repeatedly move heavy objects around because it's good for me?

Absolutely not.

Give me a tennis racquet, an opponent and the opportunity to win something?

Suddenly I'm an athlete.

Physical activity is one of the more established ways we can support physical and psychological wellbeing, with research also suggesting effects on aspects of stress physiology.

But I think we sometimes ruin this message by translating “movement is good for your body” into “you must go to the gym.”

No.

The best movement is the movement you'll actually do.

For my ADHD brain, tennis gives me movement plus novelty, competition, stimulation, immediate feedback and a reason to chase a ball around for an hour without noticing I'm exercising.

That's sustainable regulation—for me.

4. Mother Nature

There is something about being in nature that seems to get through to my body in a way that words can't quite express.

For me, nothing beats walking along the beach collecting shells or, at the moment, sitting on the beach watching the whales migrate along the coast. The ocean, fresh air, sunlight (but only if it's not too hot) and wildlife seem to turn the volume down on everything else.

Research suggests exposure to natural environments may also be associated with improvements across a range of psychological and physiological measures of stress and wellbeing.

Sometimes our brains need less input—and our bodies need reminding that we're just one small part of a much bigger ecosystem.

The bit I'm taking with me

The biggest lesson wasn't actually which regulation strategies work for me.

It was recognising that body-based regulation isn't something I should wait to need.

If my nervous system is continually spending energy adapting to the world around me, then I need to continually give it opportunities to recover.

Not once I'm exhausted.

Not once I'm burnt out.

Not once I've finished everything else on my to-do list.

And not just through sleep and rest.

But as part of the ordinary maintenance required to simply exist.

I teach this stuff for a living, and apparently I still needed a tiny ring and a graph before my brain went:

Ohhhhhhh.

Who would have thought that data and a bar graph would turn an abstract concept into meaningful understanding for an autistic person… right?!

So, if you're constantly exhausted and you've been appropriately exploring the possible reasons why, perhaps another question worth considering isn't only:

“What is making me tired?”

But also:

“What am I regularly doing to help my body recover from being me, in the world I live in?”

Your version probably won't be my 4 M's.

Maybe yours is swimming, gardening, dancing, deep pressure, drumming, running, lying in the sun, walking the dog or screaming Taylor Swift in the car.

The strategy isn't really the point.

The point is finding the things that help your body come down—and making space for them as part of ordinary life, rather than only reaching for them when you're already overwhelmed.

This article provides general information only and is not a substitute for individual medical, psychological or allied health advice.

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